YOU WILL LOSE IT ALL ON
THE OREGON TRAIL
when you scraped your leg after falling down in
the clearest of utah’s rivers i scolded you because
there are never any shells in rivers, isabelle, don’t
do this right now, please stop making a scene,
stop fussing & let me wrap this bandage around
your goddamn leg, i’m not fooling now.
when you asked if we could take a day off
& set up camp under a nearby waterfall
i yelled at you in front of the kids because
we don’t have a day to take off, isabelle, i’m
trying to get us to oregon before the winter
which won’t be possible if you keep suggesting
horrible ideas. when your arm got stuck in between
two wooden boards on our wagon & we had to break
them both to get it free i cried because god fucking
dammit isabelle, the bugs are gonna eat us alive.
when you stayed up late one night to look at the
stars after you missed the sunset putting
scout to bed which left you falling asleep in the
desert’s cold air & getting sick the next morning,
i silently prayed because isabelle, why do i bother.
what is any of this for, anyway? do you even
slightly give a damn about any kind of responsibility?
when you died, it was a tuesday morning. the sun rose
& when you didn’t, i felt numb because what do i do
now, isabelle? where has the dog run off to?
who can i protect?
beyza ozer founded probably crying review while eating a bagel. their work has appeared in/is forthcoming from skydeer helpking, voicemail poems, alien mouth, & others. beyza is the author of GOOD LUCK WITH THE MOON & STARS & STUFF (bottlecap press 2015). they are an assistant editor of yesyes books, an associate editor of big lucks books, & social media coordinator of the lettered streets press. beyza lives in chicago & in the clouds & on twitter.