Giant Escapes the Womb
My mother needed an emergency
episiotomy. She needed meds, and more
meds, and even when it was all said and done
she needed reassurance I was hers.
She was short, her husband was short,
her parents were very short.
The mailman was freakishly tall,
but she hadn’t slept with him
yet. She didn’t remember the fallen
angel that seduced her the summer
before, which is for the best
since she might have been inclined to ask
if it hurt. She didn’t hear the doctor whisper
What the hell? She didn’t see him
snip my half-grown wing when he cut
the cord, then my skin, which he didn’t do
exactly right. He yelled IT’S A BOY!
but wasn’t entirely sure. To everyone’s surprise,
I was able to speak within minutes.
When handed to my brother, I said Brother.
When handed back to my mom, I said
I’m going to get my chance, you know.
Giant Loses His Virginity
I was trying to be romantic. My parents had left
the house for the night, so I set a table
in the yard. I decked it with flowers,
a thank you card, a small branch
from my favorite tree, and not just one
red cinnamon Yankee candle
but three. I stopped just short
of fetching flutes for champagne.
I was trying to be a gentleman,
and wasn’t about to take any chances,
so I cooked a five-course meal,
whipped up two desserts. Once we put
a dent in the food, the time had come.
Not having had access to porn,
let alone giant porn, I had turned to giraffes
for sex ed, for cues on how to begin. Here,
I said, please urinate on my bed.
Then I bent down especially low to avoid
a heart attack, and brayed, and peeled
back my lips. No sooner had my mind begun
to drift to the Vegas strip destroyed
by 50 Foot Woman Allison Hayes,
than it was over. We looked up at glow-in-the-dark
stars stuck to the ceiling. I was trying
to be sensitive, so I sweetly whispered
nothing into her ear.
MATT KELSEY is from Glens Falls, NY, and currently lives in Chicago. He has received scholarships from the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference and the Sewanee Writers’ Conference, and teaching fellowships from the University of Washington for their writing programs in Rome and Friday Harbor. His poetry has appeared or is forthcoming in Beloit Poetry Journal, Best New Poets, Poetry Northwest, Painted Bride Quarterly, and elsewhere.